The Daily Muse | Perspectives (contd.) | 27th Mar. '09

Talking of perspectives, here’s some more musings. Albeit random…

Life is full of contradictions; and in those contradictions is hidden some truth. Scarce did I realize that I would be here again penning my angst and emotional state.

Late last night, I got a call from 2 people in my society. It transpires that Wed. night, there was a break-in in 2 flats in our society – my neighbour’s and mine. We have 4 flats on our wing and 2 are unoccupied. While we were away during the day, someone broke in our houses.

I felt stunned – actually not. Mixed emotions; as if a sense of continuity – first the missing phone and then this event. And yet both have similarities. In both cases, there was loss, an acceptance of it and thereafter a mild shock. My friend tells me (he rushed over to the place to figure out things) that nothing material has gone out.

Having said that, I feel a bit naked – it is not about anything material having been taken away, but the feeling of utter loss and helplessness. As if someone has raided. Also a sense of, ‘why not face me directly man? Why this stealth?’ In this, I see perspective – the pain on a theft (or attempted – in this case) is not only of a loss of things, but also a loss of inner innocence and faith.
Yet the question comes, ‘what do I choose?’ Yes, there is pain, there is hurt; but should this lead me to view all with suspicion? Given our hectic work lives, we’ve hardly met each other (we refers to all of us living in the society – almost all of us travel at least 1-2 hours to work). And yet, it was 2 of my society fellows who helped me yesterday. It was my neighbour who I’ve met only twice, who took my friend to the police station to get a clearance for sealing the house on my behalf. Help from all who were not known to me. What goes around, comes / goes.

I was returning from the temple a while ago and got up thinking that my stop was about to come. The conductor thrust the hand of a blind man in my hand and told me to help him cross the road. I did that and after I had put him in the bus he wanted to be in, I realized that I had got down at the wrong stop. As if he had chosen me to help him. That I was talking with my sister and lost on road sense was another facilitating factor. I remembered the “blind walk” and realized that I actually did not have to do anything. I just had to hold his hand and tell him once in a while on the incline / steps etc.

As a survey of my house and information given on phone by my neighbours, society friends and my colleague, I realized that nothing material had actually gone. Apparently the thieves were after cash and valuables. What is valuable? I am actually thinking. My neighbours and friend confirm that the books are there, so are a few pens that I have (though one seems to be missing), so are the other accessories as well as a small collection I have of Scotch. What is of value to me vs. what is of value to another. Is it not a shifting perspective. For the thieves, a Cross pen did not hold any value, nor did the books hold any value; yet perhaps for a behavioural science student, some of the books in my collection may be worth salivating over. So what is value for me – I see that over time for me too, it has shifted.

My first Q&A session with Anirban (a society friend) was, “can you see a black leather bag – yes – open it – done – can you see my certificates – yes – thank you, and please keep this with you”. It taught me as much about my own mental makeup as much about the thieves. My own attachments to my books, to my certificates – and in that I remembered something I’d read, “attachments are attachments – whatever they may be with”. It also does not mean, throwing the baby out with the bathwater – getting rid of things is not the solution. Nor is avoidance.

At the temple, the swamiji was giving a lecture on “Brahma” (the Advaita Vedantin’s perspective on reality) and he put one thing very succinctly. He asked, “If you were to travel from Kanyakumari to Kashmir and know that a dear friend will receive you at Jammu station, then while you start your journey, is your friend near or far from you? Taking that further, if you complete the 3 day journey as most people do, was your neighbour in train near or far from you?” “So what is distance?” “Is that Brahma near or far from you?” “Because I am not focused on so many things in life, I am not in touch with my self. to get to my self, I do not have to do anything, I just have to drop all that I am glued to.”

Indeed – what is distance. My neighbour, who till yesterday, I’d met only once and know as a name and as someone working in another Tata company today is different to me. And nothing seems to have changed – what has changed is something within me. What – I care not at this point of time. While being acutely awareness of that awareness!!!

I’d started off on contradictions. Well, so here they are. I can in some ways relate to the analogy of life being a vast play. And on occasions, I become fascinated with a part, play that and when time comes for change of cast, I resist. Not playing the part is not the answer. And I see merit in what Swami Vivekananda had once said, “Develop within you the power to detach. Work as if your whole life depended on it; put your heart and soul into it; but when the time comes to give it up, pick up and move on.”

Ah – writing helps. A catharsis, and a perspective building for myself. A small note of gratitude to all of you for being there as a clearing ground for my own perspective building…

Love,

P.S.: I get a sense that the mythological story of “samudra manthan” (churning of oceans – and the 10 things that come out subsequently) is about the churning within. As we start on our journey of self development and growth, churning happens and in that churning are produced various things. In the focus on the outcome, I see that I forget the process of churning. In the mythical story, even at the end, one ‘asura’ remained (Rahu-Ketu), and so did the ‘Devs’; but perhaps that is not what the story intends to convey. What does it actually intend to convey – I don’t know yet; perhaps in some time I’ll know the answer…